Ingrid, it’s only a movie

CutThroatThe person doing the shaving is certainly no barber. The position of the open blade indicates an upward movement. If carried out the guy’s cheek will be sliced in half. What’s being used is an imitation razor. Would you in your right mind allow someone without experience of wielding a cut-throat razor, to carve up your face? Need I say more?

Yes I will say more. Even being shaved in a movie barber shop, the barber is just a film extra who can’t hold the implement correctly, leading you to require a blood transfusion once he’s finished the carving. I don’t know if American barbers are unionized, but if they are, they should protest to Hollywood for falsification of their trade.

PS: I’m a former barber.

Custer In the battle of the Little Big Horn sequence from the movie They Died with their Boots On, Errol Flynn, as General Custer, is the last to die. Taking this in pecking order: the first to die were privates, followed by sergeants, then the Captain, and finally, General Custer. If you’re a film extra, appearing in a remake, ask the Director to cast you as the General, as there’s more mileage in the role.

Explosion Someone is running from an explosion in a movie. When Hollywood creates explosions, only the biggest and loudest will do.

C-4 is the most common type explosion. Gasses are released at the rate of 26,000 feet per second, destroying everything in its wake. If you’re within that range, you’ll get hit by the blast and finish you off within one second. Do you think you can outrun it? No you can’t. Then how is it the lady in the picture is doing it? The best answer I can come up with, is to quote Alfred Hitchcock, who in reply to Ingrid Bergman, who asked what motivation she should bring to a scene, said “Ingrid, it’s only a movie.”

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